In December  of 2021, I had my annual mammogram. This has most always meant an ultrasound to biopsy for me since I have a history of dense breast tissue and fibroadenomas. My primary care Dr referred me to see a surgical oncologist to chat about these fibroadenomas and  my density. My husband and I left that appointment feeling well informed  and that this was just going to be our path. Always sending me for a biopsy of something looking not like a cyst but fibroadenomas were benign.

After the biopsy the skin is angry and I felt what I thought was scar tissue. I kept massaging it and just thinking it was taking a long time to heal. Busy working mama, clean bill of health, just benign fibroadenoma, I ignored it for a bit. Fast forward to July when someone went in for a hug and I felt a dull deep ache and I knew something wasn’t right. I sent a MyChart message to my Dr and  she brought me in for a mammogram which lead to an ultrasound. This time the radiologist said “this spot is new. It wasn’t there in December. It could be a fibroadenoma given your history but if it’s not at least we caught it early”.

They called  for a  biopsy the week we were in Boston. I scheduled it for when I got back. We arrived wet faced from crying dropping off our first born to college on a Sunday. My biopsy was that Tuesday and they called me that Friday before Labor Day to tell me the four letter word you never want to hear.

My husband and I sat with it the whole long weekend until we had the action plan. Sitting in the unknown is the  worst and we couldn’t do that to our kids. We needed to know what was next, what is our action to kill this cancer. Thankfully that Tuesday we got the action plan. I had invasive ductal carcinoma triple positive. HER2 positive made sense. It was interval cancer, fast and aggressive showing up in between mammograms. We called a family meeting and FaceTimed our daughter in Boston and had our 16 year old son with us while we shared the news. I still remember the reactions on their faces.

I am only sitting on the other side of round 2/6 of chemo. I still have surgery and radiation on deck along with a year of anti HER2 infusions.

I am hopeful. I have an entire community behind me in Santa Barbara not to mention the immediate love of my husband, kids and family surrounding me.

This journey thus far has been eye opening to the amount of love that has come full circle back to me. My cup is full in the midst of this battle and that’s what helps carry me through. That and I am a badass warrior that allows days of raw emotions and days of warrior strength. Embracing both is crucial to the healing.

Sending you so much love and strength in your battle as you read this. You can do it! Find that inner Warrior and start the journey. One day at a time.

Everything happened so fast. Within a period of 5 days, I received a port, had scans done, and started my first chemo because I was diagnosed with Metastatic (Stage 4) Breast Cancer. This meant the cancer had spread from my breast to my bones. I couldn’t believe it. I was 33 and being told my life was going to change. I had to leave work for six months and watch myself around everyone. I lost my hair, eyelashes, etc., as well as my taste buds. I felt like I was missing something. No one in my family understood what I was going through. During my time away from work, I realized I wasn’t happy and decided I needed change in my life. I quit my job, got involved with choirs and went back to school. Although it seemed like the treatment was working, four months later, the tumor had reformed. My oncologist put me on a new chemo drug that had less side effects. Slowly I managed my life, doing what I enjoyed the most. Once again, this new drug seemed to be doing what it needed to do, however, scans came back showing it had reformed again. A trial drug was in process and I was a perfect candidate. I have been on this trial drug for two years now and so far the tumor has shrunk and the cancer cells in my bones have remained stable. I continue doing treatment every three weeks and have accepted that I will be on treatment for the rest of my life. However, I recognized my journey wasn’t going to be easy, yet I had a lot of support cheering me on daily. No one truly understands what you are feeling or going through until they have experienced it themselves. It was during this time, that I realized although I was dealing with cancer, I could share my story and spread Hope to others.

I was interviewed for the news, for my healthcare newsletter and spoken at panels. Because of these experiences, I decided to create a free support organization called JAMMHope which I use to help bring Hope to others.

Once 2017 came around I knew my life was going to change. I did not know what was going to happen, but I knew it was going to be big. I had just got accepted into a competitive internship and was convinced that my career was going to take off in the upcoming years, something that I was preparing hard to achieve during my academic career.

Throughout the latter part of my sophomore year of college, I started to experience unusual anxiety and night sweats. To top it off, a lump the size of a golf ball popped up right above my collarbone. I did not feel normal and had a gut feeling something was wrong. After a series of blood tests, an MRI, and a fine needle biopsy, every test came back negative. I let it go and trusted my reports, but there was a little part of me that knew something was not right. I scheduled an appointment with another doctor to get a second opinion.

The week before my junior year of college I had a surgery to take out the suspicious swollen lymph node, and days later I was diagnosed with Hodgkin’s lymphoma. Healthy my whole life, I was perplexed by this diagnosis. Cancer was the last thing on my mind. Instead of joining my peers back at school, I had to take off the year to fight for my life. This is something I could not quite comprehend and wrap my head around at 19 years of age. Just a few days after I turned 20, I started chemotherapy.

Although I was shocked by this news, I knew I was given this battle for a reason. God had a higher purpose and mission for this season of my life. Before my first PET/CT scan I was comforted by his grace and was reminded that I needed to undergo this traumatic experience for him. He was going to get me through it. I just needed to trust in the chaos of it all. Reminding myself of this is what helped me get through it all.

It was neither easy nor pleasant, of course. There were many times I wanted to quit treatment because I could not stand to see and feel myself deteriorate before my eyes. Between the shots I had to give myself in my stomach, the containers of pills I had to take every day, and four-hour-long drips I had to sit through every other week, my mentality was the only thing that got me through. I had no choice but to find the little strength left in me to keep pushing. My fortitude helped me see that we have to go through the dark days to see the light. I had to be my own advocate, through faith, and inspire myself to persevere.

Fast forward months later when treatment was over, the hair on my head grew back like a Chia Pet sprouting its little green leaves, my skin glowed back with olive pigment, and my body strengthened enough to exercise again. All of these small milestones that seemed almost impossible and out of reach were actually conceivable. Within them, I was beginning to remember how it felt to be alive. I was born again and slowly started to appreciate my second chance of life. This was a gift I did not want to take for granted. I wanted to serve it with purpose, and the only way I could do that was by becoming vulnerable.

It was scary at first to think that I was going to put my story out there, but then I had a thought. One afternoon I said to myself, “if today was my last day on Earth, I would want to leave with legacy, and if that meant to tell the world about my history, then so let it be.” If my story would help even just one person live, then I was going to share it. This is when I decided to actually start to be more public about my battle.

I trusted the purpose behind my pain, and within time I began to write about it. At the beginning of 2019, I decided to put my pen to paper and write a book to spread my light and wisdom. I just published my first book, Power to Persevere, and now know that everything I experience was worth it. I am now about to wrap up my senior year of college, something that I did not think was possible just two years ago, and start living a purposeful and purpose-filled life. I am grateful for cancer because it shaped me into the courageous young adult I am today. I encourage you to trust in your battle and know that there is a purpose that it serves. I think to myself all the time, “I could beat death, I could do anything,” and so can you.

My support circle runs deep and far reaching. I’ve met some amazing and powerful women who have experienced breast cancer in different ways but we are connected as “pink sisters” because the one thing we have in common is we are fighters!

I AM A THRIVER AND SURVIVOR! September 25, 2018 is the day that I was diagnosed with Stage 1A Invasive Ductal Carcinoma (IDC) Breast Cancer. I am high risk for the cancer returning based on my Oncotype Score of 56. I’ve had 2 surgeries, 8 rounds of chemo for 4 months, and 30 sessions of high energy radiation. I have one more surgery before the end of the year to further prevent reoccurrence by having a full hysterectomy.

I am grateful for every day, keep a positive outlook on life and smile all the time. Many people don’t understand how I was able to continue working while going through chemo for 4 months and radiation for 1 month. The only way I can explain it is…GOD, who gave me strength to get through! I listened to my body and if my body told me to go home I did, it didn’t matter if I only worked for a 1/2 hour; I went home. I removed stress from my life and focused on positive thoughts, people and things, because with everything I had going on that was the last thing I needed.

I will be participating in my first breast cancer walk on October 26, 2019. If you’re in the Virginia area and want to walk with me and #TeamLSquared you are welcome to do so. The walk is with the American Cancer Society’s “Making Strides Against Breast Cancer Walk” in Hampton Roads. Register here https://lnkd.in/epg-quE I will walk with my supporters, other women still fighting & remembering those we lost.

Please keep me in your prayers and thoughts as there is still more work to do. Follow my journey at my Caring Bridge site: https://lnkd.in/eenx6U9

I’ve had 5 recurrences from 2017-2019. 2 in the same original spot, 2 in auxiliary lymph node and now in my lungs. I had a single mastectomy in December 2017, 2 rounds of chemo in 2017-2018. I celebrated finishing chemo in May 2018, Little did I know I would be back there.

2 months after finishing chemo, I had my scans and it was a breast MRI and CT scans that saw the cancer was back but in the auxiliary lymph node. I had surgery to remove the node with clear margins and did 5 weeks of radiation Fall 2018. On New Years 2019 I found out the cancer was back in the same area of the auxiliary lymph node. I had surgery in January 2019 again to remove the node with clear margins.

At the end of February I had a diep flap reconstruction surgery for my left breast area. To date this was the most extensive and painful surgery I’ve had. It took me a good 5 months to recover and I’m still recovering from it. I couldn’t stand straight for 3 months. My stomach area is extremely tight as I didn’t have a lot of excess skin. I will never be the same again. I have dark scars hip to hip and also all around the new breast flap. But at least I have volume in the left breast area, something I didn’t have for 14 months. I could wear any cute tops or dresses, it was sad and made me feel self conscious.

Once again in July/August scans found that the cancer was back but had spread, it was in the auxiliary lymph node again and nodules in my lungs. The nodules were growing in size and also multiplying. My oncologist chose a clinical trial for me to be in where it’s specifically for triple negative metastatic breast cancer patients, based in Europe. I did scans, blood work and paperwork to qualifying and be approved. My oncologist always fights for me and he got me into this clinical trial. I am only the 2nd person in the US in this clinical trial.

I started chemo August 1, 2019. It’s a minimum of 6 months. Should I need more time in it then I can stay in the trial.

I am about to start my 3rd Cycle this week and I am honestly not looking forward to it. This chemo is way harder than the previous chemo I’ve done before. The first cycle, I had severe diarrhea after week 2 and ended up severely dehydrated and needed 5 days of hydration. They said I should’ve been in the hospital it was that bad. My oncologist and the trial coordinator monitor me closely and they always think of preventative options to help the side effects. Since this trial is new, it’s a trial by error and they treat me as side effects come up.

The 2nd cycle was like the first cycle getting sick with vomiting and diarrhea week 2. This time only 2 days of hydration.

It is the daily chemo pills that seem to make me the sickest. But that is what is trying to kill the cancer.
I’ve been doing my best to keep positive and pushing forward during this hard long cancer road. Some days are harder than others. I find myself crying on the toilet feeling faint and sick and wanting this all to stop. Then the fighter inside me says to keep going and beat them.

I have my first follow up CT scan tomorrow since before starting on this clinical trial and I’m anxious to see the results and see if the chemo is working. It has to be, to be worth all this suffering I’ve been feeling the last 2 months. This trial is my only treatment option right now, so it has to work.

I’ve shared my cancer journey publicly for the last 2 years on my social media to help others going through cancer to not feel alone as I did back in 2011 and 2017. I also want to share my journey to those who have never been touch by cancer before and to tell them honestly what it’s like, so it inspires more compassion and empathy in the world.
I’m blessed with amazing support from my family, close friends and all my social media followers who encourage me to keep up the good fight and to keep pushing forward… one step and one day at a time.

I was encouraged to call the fertility facility so they can give me a rundown of how this would all work. I’m not lying when I say, I HAD NO IDEA. So, the coordinator, who couldn’t have been more kind and sweet to me, started to tell me all that was involved. The shots, the pap smear, the vaginal ultrasounds, and multiple blood draws. I was completely fine with the shots and the blood draws, but vaginal ultrasounds (plural as in more than one) AND pap smear?? No way in hell. I cried after that call, I balled my eyes out. I called my sister who basically told me to put on my big girl pants and just do it! Apparently she was completely unaware of my extreme anxiety regarding this subject. Of course this was coming from a good place; she just didn’t want me to have any regrets. When I got home I talked to my husband and told him I didn’t think I could do it, physically or mentally. The fear was way too deep. He assured me that I could indeed do it; however, he went on to tell me that he did not marry me to have kids. He told me this was my decision and he would support me no matter what. It was at that moment I decided to go through with it; his selflessness was contagious.

I had my lumpectomy in January 2013 and started the egg freezing process in February 2013; on Valentine’s Day. It was so romantic to celebrate this day with my husband by getting tested for STD’s (just part of the protocol). That was the only part of the day I was excited about, never thought I would say I was excited about getting tested for STD’s; however, with the dreaded pap and ultrasound on the horizon blood draws were the least of my worries. I was diagnosed with general anxiety disorder before I was diagnosed with breast cancer, so I take a medication daily to help ease my anxiety. However, for “special” occasions I break out the big gun… XANAX. Sadly, there is not enough of Xanax in the world to help with the panic that I was feeling, believe me, I tried. Not only did I go the medication route, I did deep breathing, I meditated, I listened to music, I did everything and anything to calm myself. The day before I even went to an acupuncturist; nothing worked. I literally felt like I was walking to my death. I will spare the details of the pap smear because why put any of you through that; let’s just say my foot may or may not of kicked the doctor and she may have told me that I would have to find someone else in the future to do annual exams. So, needless to say, I was a memorable patient. I will skip right to the ultrasound; in retrospect I’m glad the pap was first because in my opinion, there is no comparison. It is my stance that pap smears are barbaric and should be reevaluated. If brain surgeries can be done without cracking open the skull, I’m confident someone could come up with a less invasive way of checking for abnormalities on my cervix.

So I’m semi-traumatized at this point but I’m pretty numb too (that could be the Xanax), anyway, I just wanted everything done as soon as possible. I waited nervously for my number to be called; (it’s like being at a deli, waiting on your number, but in this line nobody is trying to cut in front of you). Finally, my number was called and again I’m walking down this hallway feeling anxious and nauseous. When I’m nervous I talk, so that’s what I did, I talked and talked. I have no idea what I talked about but I do remember the technician’s face just nodding politely and smiling. The statement, “take everything off from the waist down” was the only thing she said to me. It was dark in the room and I thought great, she will not see the tears running down my face or the look of despair in my eyes. I watched as she put the condom on the wand, and I thought, well, that’s not too big. Oh how I wish someone would have told my vagina that! Every muscle tightened up, ones I never knew existed; vice grip, locked up like fort Knox. “Relax”, said the technician. As if this was an option for me. She was moving that damn wand like a joystick; like she was playing an old Atari game. I completely understand that I was making it worse by tightening my muscles, but I literally had ZERO control. A minute or 2 go by which basically feels like hours and then she said, “Get dressed”. For a split second I thought, damn it, she gave up, she couldn’t complete the exam. Then I realized, I DID IT; I might have thrown my back out and I might be sore for days, but I DID IT. I felt like I conquered the world, forgetting for a minute that I would have 6 more of these over the next week or so. None of that matter at this exact moment, because I accomplished something that I was certain I could never do. I wanted to yell from the rooftops that I did it, which would be weird, so I didn’t, but that’s how proud I was. After each ultrasound appointment I felt the strongest I have ever felt. I know that might sound weird coming from someone who is a cancer survivor, but it’s the truth; it’s my truth. This process was harder for me than my lumpectomy and radiation combined; mentally and physically.

I was really lucky that I only needed to do one round of shots; egg retrieval day was within a week & 1/2 of starting the shots. They retrieved 16 eggs, out of the 16, 11 were viable and out of those, 6 were successfully fertilized. So, we have 6 embryos frozen which my husband and I are very grateful for.

About 2 years after the egg preservation I was getting questioned a lot about when I was going to have a baby, please note, not “if”, it was always “when”. People had assumed since we had frozen embryos, the logical next step was for me to have a baby. I understand why this was the assumption, but this was not an open and shut case. We needed to dig deep, and do some major soul searching.

My cancer fed off of estrogen which the tamoxifen (cancer medication I will be on for 10 years) in theory is supposed to block. What happens when you get pregnant? Estrogen is a pretty major player in that game. How big of a risk would I be taking? Would my chances of re-occurrence go up because of this? Would I be putting my husband in a position to raise a child by himself? Also, from a hormone standpoint, how upset would my body be with me? Going on meds, coming off meds, have a baby, go back on meds. Jeez, talk about agitating my already confused hormones!
Here is the thing; there has not been enough research to prove whether or not coming off the tamoxifen would increase my chances of re-occurrence. Maybe in 10 years it will be clearer and that’s great for all those that will come after me, but with a heavy heart, my husband and I decided it was in my best interest to not carry a baby. I’m happy to say we are at complete peace with this decision, but I would be lying if I said there isn’t a part of me that is sad that I will never feel life growing inside of me. Nonetheless, and I can only speak for myself on this, I felt like a huge weight had been lifted off of my shoulders once I let my family and friends know that I would not be carrying a child.

After we grieved this decision, because that is a necessity when coming to such an important conclusion like this; we looked into surrogacy. Whoa. The money that is involved with that whole process is mind-boggling. It’s disheartening to me that insurance does not cover surrogacy; especially for women who cannot or should not carry a child due to medical reasons. In my opinion, it’s taking advantage of a dire situation. Often we have been asked if we would ever adopt. Here is my answer to that, if we would have not gone through the egg preservation, then yes, adoption would have been on the table. However, I feel a loyalty to those embryos. Which might not make sense to anyone, but I just feel if we were to attempt to have a child, those embryos should get the first chance.

We have no idea where we go from here. We are fortunate to be Godparents and aunt and uncle to some really unbelievable kids. We are extremely involved in their lives which we couldn’t be more grateful for. I’m so humbled by this whole experience, and regret is not something I have ever felt. Even through all of the ultrasounds, regret never entered my mind. Not only did we put ourselves in a position of having a choice by going through with the egg preservation; I found out that I am way stronger than I ever imagined. I’m a big believer in playing the hand you are dealt in life; there are some really bad hands that we all receive. Those bad hands should be validated, yet they should never make you fold. I’m just playing the hand I was dealt, as we all should.

I was diagnosed January 25, 2018 at first I went into panic mode, as I got the call while at work, my whole world came crushing down on me, if I didn’t have people close to me that day to help me process everything I would have been screwed. All I could do was cry and worry about how I would provide for my child.

I slowly began to process things, I was diagnosed with stage 2B ER/PR/HER2 Positive Lobular Carcinoma in my right breast… I was having major panic attacks it was horrible and Everything seemed to be moving so fast, I had my port placement surgery Feb 16th and shortly after Feb 22nd I started first chemo. Even though I was scared I knew my daughter needs me so I have to fight with all I have. While out on chemo I was advised that I had lost my job things just seemed to keep getting more challenging everyday…It was then that I discovered genetic testing.

I was sent to meet with a specialist we drew some blood and few weeks later…BOOM comes back positive to PALB2 gene mutation, increasing my risks and chances of developing other cancers as well as I can pass it to my child, I was devastated.

Hello Chemo

First chemo hit me so hard I was very sick and ended up being hospitalized for 4 days with Colitis and other infections. Second chemo I was hospitalized with neutropenic fever by that time I was already bald as my hair was coming out in chunks. The third hospitalization I needed blood transfusion stayed in the hospital 3days, I kept thinking I still have 3 more and I wasn’t sure I could make it. I pushed really hard and finished all 6 rounds July 13th 2018. The combination of drugs I received were (Herceptin, Perjeta, Texatere and caboplatin) 6 rounds– however Herceptin I continued till I completed 17 rounds.

August 15 I had my double mastectomy with a delayed reconstruction. Took a while to recover, I had many physical therapy sessions as my mobility and range of motion on my arms and shoulders were very poor. I have developed Neuropathy from chemotherapy which is debilitating my movements and function on my right hand.
December 20th Hysterectomy, this surgery was done as preventative majors since I was tested positive with the PALB2 gene mutation in which increases my chances of developing other types of Cancer.
February 8th, 2019 by this point I am just wondering when is this going to be over… yet excited to start reconstructing by breasts…

The surgery went very well, the process is long and painful because the expanders are placed under your chest muscle and filled with saline each week in order to expand your skin so the actual silicone implant can be placed…planning for MAY 2019

THE LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL

March 15th 2019 I finished my last Herceptin infusion, I felt relief, I started and finished all the infusions like a boss even when it got real dark. The wellbeing of my daughter motivated me every day to continue to fight. My faith kept me humble and my family, friends, doctors, nurses and even my pets! Kept me alive!

What could I tell someone just entering this journey?

“Well, don’t panic over your finances, somehow things just works out, staying alive for your family is far more important than anything in this world so focus on your treatment and on getting thru it faze by faze, because God is in control, things may change you forever but it will all work out in the end”

As weird as this may sound, this experience has changed me inside and out for the better, it has brought me much sadness for sure BUT also MUCH joy, it has given me a chance to get to know myself, to truly appreciate my life, I also had the pleasure to meet some amazing, selfless, beautiful people that will forever be a part of my life.

Today as I start to recover I can truly say that I have a lot to be thankful and grateful even though cancer tried to wipe me down God provided me the strength to keep going and today I feel stronger, more courageous and more humble.
*losing my hair and my breasts was definitely tough but it’s by far better than losing my life.